Toilet Humour

I find that people largely divide into 2 groups:

1. those who like to discuss toilet behaviour and laugh at related jokes
2. and those who avoid baked beans because they do not like to fart.

I love baked beans & in our house there is a lot of hot air! Sometimes I think that Mr Tara Plumbing is actually trying to kill his family with something smelly and toxic… Another story…

Anyway, I do rather enjoy contemporary art and I have seen more than one toilet/urinal featuring in some exhibition or other.  I’m pleased to see others share my passion: see Eastcliff Richard’s blog

And here is a picture of a toilet from my own private collection of such images.  This toilet was not installed by Tara and is not a local Thanet loo.

Tara Plumbers in Ramsgate, Broadstairs & Margate

Yes, I admit I make, down load and distribute images of toilets (whilst not in use).

Kenny the Movie: about an Australian Portaloo Plumber

Kenny is a film in the style of “The Office”, dead pan, documentary about an Australian plumber in the portaloo industry.

If, like me, you love toilet humour then this will be up your street. Mr TP and I have just watched it and couldn’t stop laughing at comments like:

“there’s a smell that’s going to out last religion.”

and the problem of a blocked toilet due to a
“2 inch arse but 1 inch pipe work”.

There is a trailer on the website: Kenny the Movie.
This film was so good, if you like that sort of thing, that I just have to let you know about it.

More New Year’s treats – Panto

We thoroughly enjoyed the Panto, Aladin, at the Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury (sorry – the local offerings were less appealing) – there are shows for 3 more weeks. The actor Lloyd Hollett was really good and apparently he is from Margate. I got quite close to him as he fell off the stage, into my lap – we were in the front row – was this a part of the show or and accident?

www.lloydhollett.com

The ticket price was a little scary – no wonder the theatre was half empty. When we saw the show, however, we thought it was actually excellent value for money.

Far better to spend the Christmas budget on trips to the Theatre rather than presents no one wants and too much food – I think.

The show was more than 2 hours long (excluding interval). As well as the usual jokes, songs and banter. There were:

acrobats;

amazing magic tricks throughout – I was in the front row, I watched carefully and I don’t know how they did them;

very good impressions.

There is a lot to be said on the subject of unwanted presents – such as how they are upfor auction on ebay – some not even opened! http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article3108159.ece

What about the morality and economics of such waste? To quote another Times writer: Kate Muir “the British nation, have given around £1.1 billion worth of unwanted presents to each other over yuletide. That’s the GDP of Malawi..” http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article3068426.ece

It pays to visit a public loo

It was hardly surprising that I should fall in love with Mr Tara Plumbing – from when we first met, we had so much in common:

• he told me he puts his hands down peoples’ toilets for a living;
• whereas, I was interested in all things related to toilets.

The internet makes it easy to feed my fascination.

It will not surprise anyone to know there are sites which review public toilets – complete with photos! http://www.crappersquarterly.com/reviews/england.htm

of similar interest: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3919973.stm

where are the public loos of London?:

http://www.lastrounds.co.uk/public_toilets.html

I think most people only use public toilets if they really have to, or if they are hoping to meet a certain type of man. I suspect Mr Tara Plumbing always carries his autograph book in case he should be fortunate enough to run into George Michael… or any other super star.

There is a monetary incentive to visit the public toilets of Japan, however. It has been reported that a mystery person has been leaving gifts in the toilets – read on without fear – packages of money with a message.

http://www.examiner.com/a-823764~Money_Found_in_Toilets

Vegetarian Thanet

160 years ago Vegetarian Society was founded, in Ramsgate of all places. There is an event on Saturday 7th July organised by local Veggie folk, not the national society (I think).

See my page for more details and links:

https://mrstaraplumbing.wordpress.com/whats-on/

Some people imagine Vegetarians to be pale, weak, humourless characters, who live on state benefits and can not afford a proper collar for their dogs. Their responses are slow because their brains are trying to conserve energy.

Strange – I’ve met that man as well, he’s NOT veggie, he’s a druggie! I love the jokes about vegetarians, they tend to be surreal.

Does meat make you strong (virile, manly)? Well – it takes an awful long time for it to move through the intestines & digest.  There is a study which found meat-eaters’ poo takes 6 months to disintergrate, whereas a vegan’s poo decomposes in hours. Infact, it would seem likely that the person who eats only meat & wheat, with no fruit & veggies is more likely to be sloath-like in their behaviour.  I’m not sure about mental functioning but there is no reason for a planet based diet to be lacking in the omegas.

If you love eating, as I do, then it makes sence to eat a vegan diet: high fibre, based on fruit, vegetables and grains.

1. The food passes through you really quickly and sometimes still looks the same on the way out as when first consumed! So you can rapidly move on to your next meal.

2. Most vegetable foods are not so calory dense, which means you can get a lot more food on your plate at each meal time.

Touch Me – I’m Karen Taylor

I committed the name of this funny lady to memory when I saw her in 1999, she was an unknown, doing 5 minute standup slots for no pay (she was also incredibly sexy and flirtatious – perhaps that’s why I remember her – see pic at bottom).  I’ve seen hundreds of ‘new’ acts and remember the names of very few.  I do remember Jimmy Carr from those days, too. He also stood out from the rest, from the start.

It was quite by chance that I found this TV programme whilst searching the BBC website for something else.   http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/karentaylor/ 8 years later, here she is appearing on plasma screens across the UK. 

 I have only seen one episode, it did not disappoint. Her comedy is funny, clever, original and up to date (I was thinking ‘contemporary’ but that word triggers sensitive reactions in East Kent).  I would highly recommend anyone with a sense of humour to see the repeat on Saturday – BBC3 or episode 5of 6 Monday BBC3 (10/10.30pm).

If you need or want to know more about Karen Taylor: http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2006/02_february/22/taylor.shtml

Or this: 

http://www.paramountcomedy.com/comedy/comedians/comedian.aspx?id=387

To be honest, not all reviews are good, I came across this:

“Several sketches fall back on cheap sex/toilet humour.”
But that’s what makes Mrs Tara Plumbing laugh!

Reviewing our estimates

You may think calculating the price for a quotation is easy, after all we do it all the time. No, if you are seeking a quote from a builder or plumber in Kent, each job is quite unique and the spreadsheet we use has space for the following items:

1.Material

2. Labour

3. Fuel (hour far is the job)

4. car parking (if applicable)

5. a proportion of our overheads (you know, insurance and advertising)

6. smokers in the house? daily penalty for inconvenience. We may decline the work as we have to consider health and safety in the work place and providing a safe work environment for employees.

7. pets in the house? Possible penalty for inconvenience

8. Interesting people with interesting hobbies – price will include a discount – because we are interested in meeting you again and hearing more about your charity work, collection of African wood carvings or whatever (mostly because Mr Tara Plumbing and I are lonely people with no friends!)

9. friendly (sexy) housewife? secures discount of about 10% – the guys will enjoy working there.

10. Over the top sexy housewife who greets the workers in dressing gown or similar – add £100 per day danger money as no man can be left to work alone for his own safety. (Despite appearances, the men are frightened of these ladies!)

11. young children – usually discount – sympathy for sleepless nights, worry, single income household, etc…

12. teenage children – penalty due to obnoxious behaviour and the possibility they may destroy the work we’ve done whilst it is still in our guarantee period.

13. Messy house – may incur penalty depending on work

14. Rudeness on telephone or when we attend the house – huge penalty – we are not keen to see you again so we need a huge incentive to put up with you.

15. Invite us to a swinging couples party in your hot tub! We will come to the party but we won’t do the work in your house!

16. Then finally, add V. A. T., of course, 17.5%

So you see, it is not as simple as it looks.

Note: Item 6 & 7 depend largely on smell and there may be no charge if there is no inconvenience (& no smell).

Death by Fatal Murder a play by Peter Gordon

I got to see the local production of the show at Minster Playhouse Theatre, near Ramsgate, Kent. 

Brilliant. Non-stop word play; comedy which came at you at an unfaltering swift pace; many (so called) stand-up comedians would be delighted to have this material.  Furthermore, an unpredictable story, kept us on the edge of our seats. Some predictable one liners and inuendo, added to the charm.

It was like Midsomer Murders, but with Inspector Barnaby replaced by a Clouseau, mixed up with some of the linguistic skills of Del Boy!

What superb writing, I will be looking out for other products of Mr Gordon’s pen.  If you also want to know more, I found this: http://www.doollee.com/PlaywrightsG/gordon-peter.html