Mrs Tara Plumbing

If someone just leaves a number and asks you to call them, do you?

Even if you do not know who they are or what it is about?

I do not. I delete the message. I give no more thought to it and get on with other things.

If a caller leaves a message telling me what it is about I will return their call. Even if it is just to tell them they have dialled the wrong number or that we do not fix washing machines

Occasionally, I speak to people who say, “I’ve left messages on your ansaphone but no-one has called me.”

I ask them, “Did you leave a number? Lots of people don’t, you know.”

I think, or were you the person who just said, “Call me, 07****192“.

We have employed an answering service at times in the past and got the strangest messages - remember, these people are talking to a real person:

“I’ve called 30 times in the past 2 days and I will make it my life’s ambition to get to speak with Mr xxx.”

A sad life ambition. This person had never left their telephone number and obviously did not realise the answer service could never connect them to Mr xxx so their ambition was futile. Such callers invariably turn out to be offering a supper deal on screws, buy a million and you get a free drill.

We have all the screws we need!

So, if you leave a message just giving your number - please do not be surprised.

We will not be calling you.

Give me a little information (not too much) - tell me what it is about.

It may seem obvious but it is not.

We get messages that make no sense.

We get messages that have no name or phone number.

Also mind boggling are the callers who say, “I’ve been waiting for someone to get back to me…”

I do not remember them so perhaps they spoke with a colleague.  A little investigation ensues, they are not waiting for us, they have called the wrong company.

The callers that leave Mr Tara Plumbing most exasperated are those who say something like: “You came to fix XXX and it’s still not working, it hasn’t worked ever since you came”.

When was that?

“9-12 months ago!”

It has NOT worked for a year, yet it takes that long for you to telephone us!

Mr Tara Plumbing has not got an early morning paper round, I am refering to often seeing Plumbers mentioned in the headlines.

The Times on Saturday (16.06.07) provided a perfect example. On the Magazine cover, in red, ‘Not Just Plumbers’. It was a fascinating article about Polish immegrants, it is estimated that there are between 500,000 to as any as 1 million of them over here. Some have settled here permanently and others plan to leave. In the whole 5 page article there was no mention of plumbing or plumbers. There were a couple of carpenters, so make of that what you will.

The same day the Times reports a terrible story of child labour and slavery in China. As you probably know the economy is booming and preparations are underway for some big sporting event in China. This has had the effect of a shortage of labour and increasing wages. This story tells us that children as young as 8 or 10 are being kidnapped and sold to work as slaves. Their parents do not know where they are…. I will not repeat the whole story here

When we buy cheap imported goods the implications are far greater than just the carbon footprint.

It made me think of a TV programme I watched recently. A young man in his 30’s used to have a thriving business manufacturing cushions in England. Only recently this business has closed, putting people out of work, because they could not compete with the price of cushions which have travelled around the world from China.

As we were stood at the front door yesterday evening watching the torrential rain I was handed a leaflet by one of those who deliver them door to door. Not the weather for it!

It seemed too harsh to suggest she put it straight into the bin with a blue lid as she walked passed it to get to my door. That is where it will end up, without a glance.

From time to time I pound those streets as well myself: with our leaflets, of course (I don’t moonlight for a fast food takeaway emporium).

We are constantly seeking out new ways to advertise Tara Plumbing, Heating and other services.  Door to door leafleting is actually one of the least effective forms of advertising that we’ve ever undertaken.  I only do it as an excuse to burn off calories in my working day and get out when the weather is nice.  There are some lovely streets to walk along and gardens to admire.

“…You may want to find an alternative company… “ Just occasionally I have been known to  suggest this to a potential customer or even hang-up the phone.

What are people saying to provoke such a response, you may wonder.

Comments about wanting to speak to the ‘organ grinder and not the monkey’,

or to someone ‘who makes the decisions’ really do not bode well.

I make the decision that the call is going nowhere!

Then there are the people who can’t wait a few days for the appointment time that we offer them.  Perhaps they think we should drop everything to rush over and fix their boiler, regardless of any other customers we have booked in.  By the way, we do not advertise or offer a 24/7 emergency call out service, companies that do are a lot more expensive.

Mr T.P. will go out of his way to help someone in need, however, some people have a very selfish and impatient attitude, when there is NO emergency. Strangely, they don’t ever offer any extra money for us to pay a plumber to help them out, ‘after hours’.

I don’t know anyone who will drop everything at a moments notice, to go out to work for a few hours in the evening (including travelling time) for no extra money.

To be honest, I also think most people in this country work long enough hours and our leisure time should be protected.

I like good customer service but I don’t like those few loud arrogant people who are overly demanding of the staff, have unrealistic expectations and are just plain rude. It never hurts to be friendly and polite - that applies to customers as much as staff. If I’m not happy with the service in a shop, restaurant or other business I usually leave, I don’t return and I may tell every one I know about my poor experience.

Only the other day Mr Tare Plumbing left a shop because there were no shop assistants! Some people were complaining that they had been waiting ages. Mr T.P.’s view was that they must all be crazy, as there were plenty of other shops where they could go and spend their pennies. Obviously, this was not so much a problem of bad service as poor management.

Some people, however, probably receive a poor quality of service due to their own bad behaviour, such as the justice dealt out in the funny, fictional Hotel Babylon. If your complaint about the corked wine is justified it will be replaced. If you are just deliberately being annoying then Gino, the Latin Barman, may just dunk his Balls in your wine before returning it to you in a fresh glass!

I may have been on the receiving end of such treatment in a Beans & Chips Cafe once. I ordered black coffee, when the waiter bought out a mug of white coffee, I said:

“I asked for black coffee”.

My companion looked shocked and told me I was a bit harsh.

Apparently, it sounded as if I had shouted:

“You fool! How dare you come before me with such a beverage. When I demand Black coffee, no other substitute will suffice. Run back to your little kitchen and do not dare to show your face in this room again without bringing a delicious Mug of the finest Instant Black Coffee.” It is not what I intended but that is how it came across.Obviously, there would be no genitals dunking in my hot coffee, but I do remember a study finding ‘foreign bodies’ in restaurant food was very common, the most memorable being semen from a number of different men all in one curry. Yuk! I must add I think the study was in London, I’m sure such things do not happen in Kent.Mr Tara Plumbing says I’m always so abrupt, that’s why he’s scared to take me out in public! As for whether I prefer to swallow dairy products or semen? I never take milk in my coffee as I am vegan!

I’m sure many low paid shop assistants have wanted to say something to the effect of, “I really don’t like you, please leave the shop.”

The nice thing about being your own boss is that you do not have to chase every potential client and worry about being fired. So on more than one occasion I’ve had the pleasure of suggesting that someone may like to find a different company to do the work.

Two telephone calls last week just about halved our substantial business mobile phone bill. We could pay for a family holiday with the money we will save over the course of a year.

It started with a call to BT - they offered us an incredible deal IF they could provide us with mobiles (vodaphone). An offer to good to miss. So we called our current provider, at first glance they could NOT offer a package to compete - BUT, then they noticed we among their best clients. So they created a unique package just for us which was better than the BT offer!

In recent times we have also reduced our land line bills.  Unfortunately, BT is the only provider in our area, but we have found that if you enquire they are always changing and improving their tarifs.  As a paying customer they ought to automatically inform you of a better tarif, but, of course, they don’t.  

That’s phones - now Television.

Last week we also received a letter from SKY. It was along these line but not in these words:

they love us very much because we always pay the bill and they don’t want us to run off with a provider of a similar & cheaper service (such as BT vision). As a sign of their love - from July 1st they will give us SKY + for free.

Read the small print - … for FREE, so long as we continue to pay for at least the minimum package of £15pcm. If we break off the relationship, then good-bye freebie, live pause, rewind and record on Sky+ will cost us £10.

The full BT vision package is £9pcm after £90 worth of set up costs and you have to have freeview, http://www.btvision.bt.com/vision/index.htm

 BUT is it is only available with BT residential broadband. A big BUT: changing our internet provider (& email addresses) is too terrible to contemplate with out a much bigger incentive.

Special offers - there are so many around, which is why I regularly look at the Martin Lewis site http://www.moneysavingexpert.com

I suspect one of the secrets to a great enduring loving relationship is making each other feel loved and special. So, even after the briefest separation I greet Mr Tara Plumbing like a long lost something or other.

Kisses and cuddles as he steps over the threshold ALSO provides the opportunity for the test, before he goes for a shower. My nose can tell whether he has been to the pub, in a smoky atmosphere, drinking beer or embracing ladies who wear strong perfume.

We ladies like to know these things, without having to trust a man to tell us!

Things will change in July, of course. You will no longer be able to smell from 50 paces whether your partner has been for swift drink in a smoke-filled bar.

http://www.smokefreeengland.co.uk/

Personally, like the vast majority of people in this country, I am a non-smoker and I am delighted with the change in the law. Many publicans don’t seem to realise that many of us are currently put off going into pubs or some cafes, because we don’t want to smell like that for the rest of the day.

Only a few weeks ago, Mr T.P. and I decided to treat ourselves to elevenses at MILES’, which is one of our favourite local places: a Cafe/Bar which is open from 7am until late in the evening providing a great range of liquid refreshments and some food, with comfy seating and views across Ramsgate Harbour.

http://www.thebestof.co.uk/ramsgate/4296/1/1/the_best_of.aspx

All credit is due to its owner who has created a great venue with fantastic ambience at any time of day, and good music at night.

One of the reasons we like this cafe is because of the large open windows which give ventilation in the evening. On this particular morning, however, the wind was blowing a gale so it was strange to see some people sitting outside, holding their coats tightly, whilst the windows and doors were shut. We went inside and instantly realised why some people were braving the outdoor elements. The smoking inside determined that we would go elsewhere. We took our £25 and spent it near by on lunch at the Surin and coffee at cafe Nero - both are smoke free venues.

http://www.surinrestaurant.co.uk/

You may think calculating the price for a quotation is easy, after all we do it all the time. No, if you are seeking a quote from a builder or plumber in Kent, each job is quite unique and the spreadsheet we use has space for the following items:

1.Material

2. Labour

3. Fuel (hour far is the job)

4. car parking (if applicable)

5. a proportion of our overheads (you know, insurance and advertising)

6. smokers in the house? daily penalty for inconvenience. We may decline the work as we have to consider health and safety in the work place and providing a safe work environment for employees.

7. pets in the house? Possible penalty for inconvenience

8. Interesting people with interesting hobbies - price will include a discount - because we are interested in meeting you again and hearing more about your charity work, collection of African wood carvings or whatever (mostly because Mr Tara Plumbing and I are lonely people with no friends!)

9. friendly (sexy) housewife? secures discount of about 10% - the guys will enjoy working there.

10. Over the top sexy housewife who greets the workers in dressing gown or similar - add £100 per day danger money as no man can be left to work alone for his own safety. (Despite appearances, the men are frightened of these ladies!)

11. young children - usually discount - sympathy for sleepless nights, worry, single income household, etc…

12. teenage children - penalty due to obnoxious behaviour and the possibility they may destroy the work we’ve done whilst it is still in our guarantee period.

13. Messy house - may incur penalty depending on work

14. Rudeness on telephone or when we attend the house - huge penalty - we are not keen to see you again so we need a huge incentive to put up with you.

15. Invite us to a swinging couples party in your hot tub! We will come to the party but we won’t do the work in your house!

16. Then finally, add V. A. T., of course, 17.5%

So you see, it is not as simple as it looks.

Note: Item 6 & 7 depend largely on smell and there may be no charge if there is no inconvenience (& no smell).

Regular readers will know that it was recently my birthday. My goodness, I dropped enough hints, yet not one of you sent me an ecard, let alone a Big Present!

Luckily Mr Tara Plumbing came up with the goods, all my desires were met! I’ve written about some of them already: dinner, theatre, books.

I just thought I should add that I have some new jingas. I discovered them in an advert in The Big Issue. Colourful footwear which is also vegan. Not that I’m planning to eat them.

Plants and even edible pants, but edible footwear, I can’t see it catching on.

The vegan claim is that they contain nothing of animal origin. They are also sweatshop free shoes which are made in Brazil and 5% of profits goes towards funding a social project in a Rio de Janeiro.

So what are they like to wear. If you click on the link below you will find that they are fairly cheap and like most things, you get what you pay for.

They are very flat, thin and flimsy, think ballet shoes, plimsolls or slippers. They are NOT for serious walking. They are cheap, comfortable and colourful. I love them!

I’m a thoroughly modern woman: I rarely walk anywhere. The only long walk I take on a regular basis is across the play ground when I take my son to school. By the afternoon I can’t face such another huge trek, so Mr T.P. collects our son!

I drive to the gym so that I can sit on a stationery bike and cycle the equivalent distance that I covered in my drive there and could have cycled for free on a real bike. On a real bike, however, there is the danger of an accident, or that I might miss the day time repeat of Frasier.         

Get your jingas here: http://www.jingashop.com/

An interesting feature of Jinga’s is that on their website they also claim to give a certain amount of the profit to charity. This year, on TV in an episode of The Apprentice and in Dragon’s Den, some of the UK’s most successful business people have poured scorn on some entrepreneur- wannabes’ confusion between charity and business.

Alan Sugar pointed out that it was administratively almost impossible to promise to give a % of the retail cost to a charity and also, that in doing so, you are effectively telling the consumer that the price of the product has been inflated to include a charity donation. On D.D.  Mr Balantyne (from ice-cream van to gyms), pointed out that as a member of the public, a business person or as an investor it was more tax efficient for him to give to charity personally and directly, so that the money can be gift aided.

I think what the gurus are saying is that it is better to run a good business, be successful and profitable. Then give as much money as you want or can to charity. I seem to recall the Body Shop lady say something similar, too, but I could be wrong.

Of course, if the business is a failure then charity gets £0.

How do I find the time to blog in my busy schedule.

Mr Tara Plumbing would probably take a glance around our house: the fridge is empty and there are piles of washing to be done, he would shake the dust from his feet and tell you it is not difficult to see what’s neglected! (I say, what has housework got to do with me?)

Some would call it distraction from the important things that need to be done, also described as procrastination. I see it more like a game - I’m playing Chicken with the Inland Revenue!

Check the calendar.

Every employer knows there is an important deadline coming up this weekend - 19 May, every year, same date.

Forms must be completed, signed and filed with the Inland Revenue.

Miss that date and there is an instant penalty. I think it may be the death penalty! I’ve actually NEVER missed the deadline, so I’m not sure.

I’m filling up all my time in the run up to 19 May so that I have about 4 minutes available at the 23rd hour to complete the forms and get them in.

That is plenty of time, because I do have all the information up to date and at my figure tips

BUT

If there is a computer crash, fire in the office, or other disaster, I will have left NO time to retrieve my back-up data, buy a new computer, etc…

I like to live dangerously (within reason) and have a little excitement in my life! If you are NOT an accountant, book-keeper or other type of numerate scribe you may have some other ideas on what constitutes an exciting life!

If you are a payroll administrator, BTW, note it is time to up date the tax parameters. I just about always forget to do this until about September!

Actually, I stopped studying accountancy somewhere around level 2. I was in London, in my 20’s, I had a job and low rent. There was way too much beer to be drunk and sleeping around to be done. It was a difficult duty to perform, and I gave it my best shot.

That’s why we trust a REAL, responsible, qualified accountant to deal with the important stuff at the end of the financial year.