Pick me! Pick Me! Said the donkey in Shrek

When composing our publicity materials I reflect on why people might choose our company, Tara, over any other plumbing or building company.

If I think back to when I was a customer, how did I select my first building contractor? I had just bought my first house, it was uninhabitable, with indoor water feature resulting from incomplete roof. I got three quotes – as recommended in all consumer handbooks. That is to say, three men came to see the house. I can’t remember the first person, but he did submit a written quotation. The second guy oozed sex appeal, more on this later. The third guy seemed really promising, it was about 6pm, I’d rushed to the house from work to meet him, and we went to the local watering hole for a drink whilst he ran through all that was involved in the work – he seemed to know his stuff, all very promising, in my mind I gave this man the job. After all that, I never heard from him again, no written quote, no phone call, nothing.

I thought it strange at the time, that chap would drive to my house and spend an hour or so of his time in ‘salesman’ mode and then not follow it up in writing. I have since found this is common, I guess 1 in 3 builders never send a written quote.

So I had a choice of two – of course, I went for Mr Sex-on-Legs. mmm! When I mentioned the builder to my friends, it turned out that all the single women in my area (Hackney) had also had this chap do work for them. “mmm,” they all said, with knowing smiles. In fact, traffic in Kingsland Road slowed down considerably whilst work was underway on my house, as women detoured from Mare Street to drive past, slowly, Ogling. Yes, women definitely do behave like that. I can assure you, though, that things went no furthering than looking ( and exchanging stories of lustful fantasies). Mr Sex-on-Legs’ benefit from the roofing contract was purely monetary and not physical.

Ten years on, I am writing content for the Tara Plumbing website. My first draft was rejected, it went something like this:

lots of builders could renovate your house but our Tara team offer a complete fantasy package. They are pleasing on the eye and are known to appeal to ladies and gay men of all ages!